Carmen slaps Louise.

Carmen: You stupid, crazy bitch.

Louise half-falls, after a beet she falls onto the mattress, face down. Carmen is unsure what to do. She looks confused. She paces for a few seconds, sees the water on the desk, takes it and somewhat reluctantly splashes it onto Carmen.

Louise (who immediately gets up and tries to dry herself with her finger): What's wrong with you Carmen? What's the matter? You seem so upset. You're so tense. All those soft pistachios you ate must have really got to your head. Have I upset you or something? Would you like me to leave? I don't feel like I'm welcome here anymore. I mean, if you'd like me to go, just say so.

Carmen: Leave me alone.

Louise: Why are you so mean to me?

Carmen: What's wrong with you?

Louise: First you hit me without even apologising. Then you pour a fuck-load of water all over my head, when I ask you what's wrong you don't even want to talk to me and now you have the audacity to ask what's wrong with me? What did I do to you? What's going on here?

Carmen: I'm sorry. I really am. Let me get you a towel.

Carmen into the bathroom (off-stage) and gets Louise a white towel and presents it to her almost as if it were a peace flag.

Carmen: Here. Peace.

Louise takes the towel and sits. She starts drying herself.

Carmen: I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. (Almost pleading) Peace? (She returns to the mattress).

Louise (drying herself): What's wrong?

Carmen: Nothing.

Louise finishes drying herself and puts the towel on the chair. Carmen plays with some of the discarded pistachio shells but doesn't eat anything.

Louise: Tell me what's wrong. I can tell something's wrong.

Carmen (hesitantly): I feel so alone. I just want some attention.

Louise: I know it must be so hard for you.

Carmen: Are you making fun of me?

Louise: No, I'm just trying to give you attention.

Carmen: Is this a joke?

Louise: No. I'm absolutely serious.

Carmen: Look, let's just forget it.

Louise: No we won't forget it.

Carmen: Why not?

Louise: Not unless we talk about it.

Carmen: I don't know

Louise: Come on Carmen. Come talk to me. Are you ok? What's the matter?

Carmen: I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't figure it out. All I know is that I'm going downhill. Nothing is the same anymore. I had so much more potential three years ago. I had talent. I had a goal. I knew what I was doing with myself. I was creative. And then - I don't know what happened then. Everything just stopped. I just stopped. I don't know anything anymore. (Pause. Louise begins to write) Sometimes I think it's other people. I think they're to blame. I tell myself that they are all crazy or that they are selfish. Sometimes everybody seems so selfish. Then I think that the whole world can't be like that so it must be me, and that gets me paranoid, and then I realise this so I start blaming other people even more. But maybe they're not to blame. Maybe I have no one to blame but myself.

Louise: Don't say that.

Carmen: And when I start worrying about all this I no longer act normally. I start analysing things too much. And I spend too much time deliberating, which is not good. Nothing comes naturally anymore. I don't think that's really me. You know what I mean? I used to be spontaneous. Now I can't even take a joke. God, what must you think of me? I'm not a good friend to you anymore. All I ever do is get depressed. I hate depressed people so much. They're so depressing. Always moaning and groaning. They have nothing to offer. Nothing to give. They have nothing of interest to say. It's pathetic, but it's true isn't it. That I've changed? (Pause). I'm not a good friend to you am I? Sometimes I wonder who I am. It feels so awful. It makes me sick. I'm sick of this place. I'm sick of myself. God I know I shouldn't say these things but I am. I don't know if I'm suited to this life. I don't know what I'm suited to. Why should I be suited to anything at all? Maybe I should just give up before I raise my hopes too high. (By now she is close to tears. Louise has started writing again) Maybe I should leave and go back home and forget it. I don't know, I don't know if I belong here. And then next year you'll be gone as well. I'll have no one to trust. There'll be no one here. I don't even want to think about it. There'll be nothing left. Everything will be empty. That's how I feel inside. It's like a vacuum. Completely empty. Penniless.

Carmen takes a tissue from the box on the table and wipes her eyes.

Louise (finishing off the writing): You don't mind do you? If I just write this down?

Carmen: Just don't blame me if you don't get published.

Louise is still writing. She turns towards Carmen with her notepad and assumes a reporter-like posture.

Louise: Have you got anything else to say?

Carmen: Is this the only reason you like me?

Louise: Yea.

Carmen: Can you just tell me which one of us is taking the piss?

Louise: That's such a bad line. But if I don't write it down the dialogue might get confusing. The best thing to do would be to replace it with something else. Can't you think of anything better to say?

Carmen: Fuck you.

Louise: I'm sorry?

Carmen: Why don't you just go fuck yourself?

Louise: Why don't you just calm down a little. You're not well.

Carmen: I'm not well? You're the fucking lunatic, remember?

Louise: Calm down. Relax.

Carmen: No you relax. Go fuck yourself!

Louise: Carmen.

Carmen: I mean it Louise (throwing a fistful of pistachios at her): Get fucked!!!

Louise picks up a couple of the pistachios and starts to eat them.

Louise: What's happened to you Carmen? Why are you acting this way? You're overreacting. Calm down. What's wrong with you? You've become so mean. And what is it with all this swearing? You have to stop that. It's not good for you. Apparently you can go mad. It's addictive; it's unhealthy; it's like snacks. You start by swearing every now and again and soon after it just starts getting more and more until it's completely beyond your control. And then there's nothing you can do about it. It's a stress thing too. You mustn't get stressed. You have to be strong. I'm telling you if you don't restrain yourself you're going to end up swearing without even listening to what others are saying. It will happen automatically, causally, non-intentionally. I read about it in "Psychology Monthly". My mother used to keep some copies lying around the house. God knows what she did with them. She didn't read them, that's for sure. She never read anything. But I remember this issue on her dressing table clear as ice. December 1996. Volume 5. Issue 6. A Christmas bumper special. 174 pages in full-colour gloss. 'The Swearing Disease'. That's what they call it. 'The involuntary, non-intentional swearing reflex syndrome.' There was a special section on it. It exists. I read about it. It's a scientific fact. They've given it a Latin name. It's been polled. Apparently one in ten Americans between the age of three and thirty have it. They've been experimenting too. The worst thing is that it can be transmitted genetically. I remember being worried about it because my mother used to swear a lot. She got it from both her parents. And her uncles as well. Listen to me. This thing is dangerous. (Goes to Carmen and hugs her). You need help. I will help you. Unfortunately, (stepping back) they say it's also contagious. (Comes closer again, pats her hair:) But that's what I'm here for. Come one. Tell me all your troubles. I'm here to help you. I'm here to listen. I'm on your side Carmen. Talk to me. You must not let this disease bring you down. It must not get the better of you, because then it really will be too late. And terrible things might start to happen. So come on. There's still hope. Don't be stupid. Talk to me. Please.

Carmen: Why don't you and your mother just go fuck yourselves?

Louise (gets up and goes back to her desk): That's it. I'm warning you. I'm not going to tolerate this for much longer.

Carmen: 'Toleration is a part of Justice.' Marcus Aurelius, Emperor. AD 161-180.

Louise: What has justice to do with friendship?

(Almost to herself , writing it down)

'It is a strange form of anger

Difficult to cure

When two friends turn upon

Each other in hatred'

(To Carmen): Euripides. Playwright. Before Emperors even existed. I think.

Carmen: What are you trying to say?

Louise: I like to keep an open mind.

Carmen: An open mind is an empty mind.

Louise: A closed mind cannot know what an open mind is like.

Carmen: That's an absolute statement. So your mind can't be that open.

Louise: What's wrong with you?

Carmen: What's wrong with me?

Louise: Is this some kind of joke?

Carmen: No.

Louise (approaches Carmen): I was only trying to help. Listen to me. I was trying to cheer you up.

Carmen: Leave me alone.

Louise: Why?

Carmen: Because.

Louise: Because what?

Carmen: Because I'm thinking.

Louise: You think too much.

Carmen: You talk too much.

Louise: You eat too much.

Carmen: You (can't think of anything to say)…criticise too much

Louise: Well I was only trying to stop you from being stupid. Why d' you think I've been writing all of this down? (Pause) So that when you read it you'll see how pathetic you are. In fact, this is the best bit.

Carmen: You really are sick aren't you?

Louise: There's no point talking to you. Some people never learn.

Carmen: oh so the lunatic is a teacher now. Don't make me laugh.

Louise: I won't.

Carmen: Good.

Brief Pause.

Louise: Look, all I'm saying is that we must try to be more minimalist in our thoughts.

Carmen: Thinking must be thought and only then it has to be edited. We must have grandeur in our thoughts and only be minimalist in our presentation of them. That way we can be both modest and mysterious at the same time.

Louise: you just don't get it do you? Too much thinking is bad regardless of whether you express it or not. It's bad for your health. And when you do express it as you have been doing today, it can only make things worse.

Carmen: What I was saying was that it must be edited when writing fiction, because it sounds stupid there. In real life one must let it all out once in a while. It's Cathartic. One should not be ashamed of sounding stupid. Stupidity is such an important aspect of human life.

Louise: But I thought you believed fiction was meant to reflect real life.

Carmen: I do.

Louise thinks for a moment, she leafs through her notepad.

Louise: Here. Read this. If this doesn't help you I don't know what will. (passes the notebook to Carmen and sits on the carpet by the mattress).

Carmen: What is it?

Louise: Just read it.

Carmen begins to read to herself.

Carmen: That's me.

Louise: Just read on.

Carmen: Shut up.

Louise (immediately): Read on.

Pause

Carmen: That's what I said.

Louise: I know.

Pause

Carmen: I must hand it to you. You're a great writer.

Louise: But it's all you.

Carmen: You wrote it.

Louise: But it's you.

Carmen: I couldn't write that. It's much too honest.

Louise: But you did say it, didn't you? Well somebody came up with it and it wasn't me. It's not about the writing anyway.

Carmen keeps reading and says nothing.

Louise: Are you angry?

Carmen: Let me finish.

Carmen turns page. A little later she hands the pad to Louise who does not look at it again.

Louise: So…?

Carmen: So?

Louise: So are you angry?

Carmen: I'm not sure.

Louise: You're not sure?

Carmen: I don't know. No…I feel…I feel…lighter, somehow. I feel like I've just been to confession…or the toilet. I feel like the emptiness is a blessing.

Louise: A blessing?

Carmen: Like it will help me to become more pure. Like I don't need to know who I am. I will just be, and by not thinking about it I will become a better person. A genuine person.

Louise: A genuine person? (Louise closes the notebook.)

Carmen: Yes, you know…like Robin Hood.

Louise: Robin Hood was a thief.

Carmen: Yes but he was a genuine thief.

Louise: I see. So what are you going to do besides being genuine then, murder people?

Carmen: I don't know. Genuine people don't decide these things before hand. They just become them. Once you're genuine, the rest is second nature. You just react. That's all there is to it.

Louise: You mean like you were reacting before?

Carmen: Oh no. The genuine me is not going to be disturbed. I just meant that maybe too much thinking is unhealthy after all.

Louise: I'm glad to hear that

Carmen: You know what I'm going to do?

Louise: What?

Carmen: I'm going to clear this mess up and make a fresh start.

Carmen clears away the bowl and the pistachios. She then gets up and starts to clear up the room.

Louise: I see..

Carmen: You're not convinced are you?

Louise: I didn't say that

Carmen: No really this time I mean it.

Louise: I'm sure you do.

Carmen: I do.

Louise: No more swearing then?

Carmen: No more swearing.

Louise: And no more soft pistachios.

Carmen: I don't know about that. I think it's better to take things slowly. One step at a time. I' don't want to over do it.

Louise (getting up to help Carmen clear): Here let me help you.

They clear up for a while without speaking.

Carmen: So, when was the last time you saw your mother?

Louise: In the summer, for a couple of days.

Carmen: How was it?

Louise: You know. She tried to be friendly at first but then eventually she couldn’t take it any more and she just went apeshit.

Carmen: So did you leave on a good note?

Louise: She left a note. But I wouldn’t say it was good.

Carmen: Have you spoken to her since?

Louise: I don’t speak to her, she speaks to me.

Carmen: And what did she say?

Louise: She only ever wants to talk about money. It’s disgusting. I can’t take this shit anymore.

Carmen: Yea... but still.

Louise: Yea you’re right. You know what I really feel like doing now?

Carmen: What?

Louise (sits on the floor): Having McDonalds. I want that new Chinese Mc rib extra value meal with a toffee banana sundae and lemon chicken dippers on the side.

Carmen: And I can have a happy meal. (To herself): It’s only got 570 calories. (To Louise:) Plus they’ve got buzz light-year this week. It’s got special sound effects!

Louise: Then why don’t we go to the one with the guy that fancies you. Then you can get me one as well.

Carmen: Ok. What time is it?

Louise looks at her watch.

Louise: It’s almost midnight.

Carmen (putting her jacket on): Shit it’s going to shut.

Louise: What about Tom and Andrew.

Carmen: You were right. They’re both idiots.

Louise: I don’t know. I thought it was kind of cute. Why don’t we go?

Carmen: What about McDonald’s?

Louise: Fuck McDonald’s!

Carmen: Louise!

Louise: I told you it was contagious. (Louise puts her coat on.)

Carmen: That’s good. That’s really good! (Reaches out for one of Louise’s pencils and pulls out a different mini-pd from underneath her mattress)

Louise: What are you doing?

Carmen: I’ll write it down. Yes, that’s what I’ll do. This is going to be good.

Carmen, looking content, scribbles hurriedly. Louise looks puzzled.

Carmen (getting up, meanwhile Louise also packs her pencil case and notepad at a slow pace ): Ok. Shit let’s go. I’ll finish it later. How do I look? Can you tell I’ve been crying? God we’ll never make it. Come on let’s go! What are you waiting for?

Louise looks more puzzled.

Carmen: What’s wrong?

Louise: Nothing. Nothing at all. Let’s go.

Carmen: It must be something.

Louise: Please. I don’t want to talk about it.

Carmen: I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong.

Louise: But we’re going to be late.

Carmen: But this is serious.

Louise: Why do you say that?

 

Louise proceeds to exit, climbing up the spiral staircase. Carmen follows.

 

Carmen: Just tell me what it is Louise… what is it?

Louise: I told you it was nothing. (Louise turns the light off as she goes up the stairs. A spot is left on Carmen).

Carmen: It must be something.

 

Carmen switches the lights off. They exit. But you can still hear their voices.

 

Louise: How can something be nothing?

Carmen: How can a nothing be something you don’t want to talk about?

Louise: Can we change the subject?

Carmen: No.

Louise: I promise you it’s nothing.

Carmen: Promise?

Louise: Promise.

Carmen: I don’t believe you.

Louise: Really, it’s nothing.

 

The lights fade out.

 

Carmen: Has it got anything to do with me?

 

Silence. Curtain. When the lights are all on again ‘Visions of Johanna’ (Biograph version) begins to play.